Ray thank you for your courage and openness. I am certain you have helped many people and will continue to do so. I follow your YouTube channel and appreciate all that you are doing.
It's funny because the day after I read your article our church sermon was on porn and infidelity. I feel like you would really benefit from what our pastor had to say so I thought I would share it; https://www.youtube.com/live/jOJrcQgmI-s?si=Wsu6kxrQZsY6evLe
God bless you Ray! I am keeping you in my prayers.
I’ve been following your content on YouTube and am glad to have seen this link to your substack. Thank you for contributing to the public discourse in such an honest way. Is it always AGP? Do you think there are young men who find porn first and then iatrogenically become dysphoric? What is to be gained by adopting another identity- is it truly the overwhelming drive of testosterone that brings so many young men to a place that they can’t face their own masculinity? Why? How can we help change this tide?
I’m curious how your parents have dealt with your transition and detransition? The grief of parents whose children get caught up in this seems so powerful and hopeless.
So many parents seem forgotten and completely left to simply ride the hedonistic, selfish whims of this strange identity crisis - not fully knowing it is being driven by sexuality- but knowing something dark seems to be at the foundation. It is excruciating to watch and be able to do nothing. Just unreal the ache and confusion….I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
Yet- you have to watch and wait and pray that the damage done is minimal and can be repaired eventually. Transition does not happen in an island- everyone who loves you is affected. Have you been able to rebuild your relationship with your parents or were they less affected because you were an adult? In my case my son was 15. I mostly feel he has been captured by a cult like movement that I can’t fight or I risk losing him entirely. This would be the worst outcome so prayer and patience is all I have. I pray he finds his way back to his faith but that could be years from now if ever…
Lastly, I am so curious - how can a young woman fall in love with a man pretending to be a woman? It seems so lacking in self respect. It utterly baffles me… she must be quite a loving person to give you the space to arrive at this place of resilience and responsibility and she remains at your side. Love is a magical thing.
I hope one day she will share her story because if these young women would not tolerate this… maybe the tide will change… their acceptance is hard to grasp for those of us who fought for maternity leave and women’s right to sport and support ourselves independent of men.
It makes sense that it’s really the male libido at the root of all of this- I just wish more people knew it so we can finally get to speaking the truth of what is happening to our children.
Whatever other people say, I think it‘s the right step to replace an ideology that leads you to hurting others and yourself with one that leads you to a better path for yourself and others. One thing I‘m sure of is that porn and fetishes are addictive whereas faith can lead to a positively overwhelming inner calm and confidence, so even if it is kind of a replacement, it‘s probably the most healing you could have chosen if it gives you back true family life and dedication to be with your wife and if you truly believe, you‘ll also get the reward of belonging, to the community, to your wife, to God/Jesus. Did you ever experience the healing power of ancient Christian chants? I don‘t remember the names but there are chants that have special power. With few words but repetitive simple melodies, long vowels and beautiful tones. They help me calm completely down when I‘m tense or anxious. By listening or singing some myself. I‘m not sure which kind of Christianity you follow, I‘m a Catholic although loosely more or less but I‘m always coming back to some elements like the ancient music and also some basic rules to follow in daily life.
Do you mean Gregorian chanting? If so, yes, I have grown to love them. I think there is deep beauty and power in them; I like the way in which, through the power of sound, we can become connected to our ancient traditions. I think it's good to have that kind of direct rootedness in tradition and history.
By the way, we have to replace every behavior or desire with something else first, when we want to change. The room/space you make free for other, better choices ( better suiting your life situation and goals from what I got from your text, not on me to judge in any other way, it‘s a personal decision and process). I fought an addiction I had for many years, so in that sense, I can relate. It was harmful to me and emotionally harmful to the ones close to me. It was nothing sexual but still extremly strong and I tried so many times to give it up - and failed many times first. I had therapy for years and I can‘t really say what helped in the end. All the efforts that failed first to lead me to the right way in the end. Therapy?(although I found most not that helpful but still learned a lot about me) Or a new connection to me as a human in a social, psychological, philosophical and kind of religious context? I can‘t say but I found some comfort in religion for sure, even if not in the classic sense, not fully commited to the Catholicism, at least not as institution, more as a basic lead I follow and also in culture, ancient culture that survived so many generations and still has so much value - I found myself at home there in a way I would never had expected but a few native people from the mountains, deeply religious but also very connected to nature in a non-scientific way, welcomed me and I felt home, learned a lot and spend every free minute there since I found my way up there. During summer, I sleep outdoors on a mat, very simple. Little food, just the necessary, no modern electronic devices, no high tech. These experiences help me to keep away from old habits. Sometimes I visit very old monasteries in the mountains or go on pilgrimage ways. There is something in that simple life that gives me roots I never had before:)
Gregorian for example, yes I like them very much too and ( sorry, not sure about the Engl. name, I just anglified the German name;)) Byzantinian chants.
Ray thank you for your courage and openness. I am certain you have helped many people and will continue to do so. I follow your YouTube channel and appreciate all that you are doing.
It's funny because the day after I read your article our church sermon was on porn and infidelity. I feel like you would really benefit from what our pastor had to say so I thought I would share it; https://www.youtube.com/live/jOJrcQgmI-s?si=Wsu6kxrQZsY6evLe
God bless you Ray! I am keeping you in my prayers.
I have so many questions.
I’ve been following your content on YouTube and am glad to have seen this link to your substack. Thank you for contributing to the public discourse in such an honest way. Is it always AGP? Do you think there are young men who find porn first and then iatrogenically become dysphoric? What is to be gained by adopting another identity- is it truly the overwhelming drive of testosterone that brings so many young men to a place that they can’t face their own masculinity? Why? How can we help change this tide?
I’m curious how your parents have dealt with your transition and detransition? The grief of parents whose children get caught up in this seems so powerful and hopeless.
So many parents seem forgotten and completely left to simply ride the hedonistic, selfish whims of this strange identity crisis - not fully knowing it is being driven by sexuality- but knowing something dark seems to be at the foundation. It is excruciating to watch and be able to do nothing. Just unreal the ache and confusion….I would not wish it on my worst enemy.
Yet- you have to watch and wait and pray that the damage done is minimal and can be repaired eventually. Transition does not happen in an island- everyone who loves you is affected. Have you been able to rebuild your relationship with your parents or were they less affected because you were an adult? In my case my son was 15. I mostly feel he has been captured by a cult like movement that I can’t fight or I risk losing him entirely. This would be the worst outcome so prayer and patience is all I have. I pray he finds his way back to his faith but that could be years from now if ever…
Lastly, I am so curious - how can a young woman fall in love with a man pretending to be a woman? It seems so lacking in self respect. It utterly baffles me… she must be quite a loving person to give you the space to arrive at this place of resilience and responsibility and she remains at your side. Love is a magical thing.
I hope one day she will share her story because if these young women would not tolerate this… maybe the tide will change… their acceptance is hard to grasp for those of us who fought for maternity leave and women’s right to sport and support ourselves independent of men.
It makes sense that it’s really the male libido at the root of all of this- I just wish more people knew it so we can finally get to speaking the truth of what is happening to our children.
This article was written by Blanchard and Bailey and is in part directed at parents: https://4thwavenow.com/2017/12/07/gender-dysphoria-is-not-one-thing/
I think it's one of the best articles in understanding what is happening regarding this topic.
Whatever other people say, I think it‘s the right step to replace an ideology that leads you to hurting others and yourself with one that leads you to a better path for yourself and others. One thing I‘m sure of is that porn and fetishes are addictive whereas faith can lead to a positively overwhelming inner calm and confidence, so even if it is kind of a replacement, it‘s probably the most healing you could have chosen if it gives you back true family life and dedication to be with your wife and if you truly believe, you‘ll also get the reward of belonging, to the community, to your wife, to God/Jesus. Did you ever experience the healing power of ancient Christian chants? I don‘t remember the names but there are chants that have special power. With few words but repetitive simple melodies, long vowels and beautiful tones. They help me calm completely down when I‘m tense or anxious. By listening or singing some myself. I‘m not sure which kind of Christianity you follow, I‘m a Catholic although loosely more or less but I‘m always coming back to some elements like the ancient music and also some basic rules to follow in daily life.
Do you mean Gregorian chanting? If so, yes, I have grown to love them. I think there is deep beauty and power in them; I like the way in which, through the power of sound, we can become connected to our ancient traditions. I think it's good to have that kind of direct rootedness in tradition and history.
By the way, we have to replace every behavior or desire with something else first, when we want to change. The room/space you make free for other, better choices ( better suiting your life situation and goals from what I got from your text, not on me to judge in any other way, it‘s a personal decision and process). I fought an addiction I had for many years, so in that sense, I can relate. It was harmful to me and emotionally harmful to the ones close to me. It was nothing sexual but still extremly strong and I tried so many times to give it up - and failed many times first. I had therapy for years and I can‘t really say what helped in the end. All the efforts that failed first to lead me to the right way in the end. Therapy?(although I found most not that helpful but still learned a lot about me) Or a new connection to me as a human in a social, psychological, philosophical and kind of religious context? I can‘t say but I found some comfort in religion for sure, even if not in the classic sense, not fully commited to the Catholicism, at least not as institution, more as a basic lead I follow and also in culture, ancient culture that survived so many generations and still has so much value - I found myself at home there in a way I would never had expected but a few native people from the mountains, deeply religious but also very connected to nature in a non-scientific way, welcomed me and I felt home, learned a lot and spend every free minute there since I found my way up there. During summer, I sleep outdoors on a mat, very simple. Little food, just the necessary, no modern electronic devices, no high tech. These experiences help me to keep away from old habits. Sometimes I visit very old monasteries in the mountains or go on pilgrimage ways. There is something in that simple life that gives me roots I never had before:)
Gregorian for example, yes I like them very much too and ( sorry, not sure about the Engl. name, I just anglified the German name;)) Byzantinian chants.